Our favourite ways to connect as a family

Connection has always been a big value in our family and we’re constantly on the lookout for ways to build in stronger ties with our children.

We’ve recently returned from our first family backpacking adventure.

We chose to embark on this epic trip to experience new things together, to open our eyes to how others live and to enjoy spotting an abundance of wildlife. What we didn’t foresee was the immense benefits in terms of our family’s connection and how this intense time with no distractions, often sharing a very small space all together, has impacted on our wider experience as a family.

This experience has got us reflecting on how we already prioritise connection as a family and focus on nurturing this valuable bond, but we’ve also see how we can further weave opportunities for a stronger connection into our daily lives. The cooperation, understanding, awareness and love we have all been expressing towards one another since has been on another level and I would love to share what we’ve learnt with you, as we’ve seen how beautiful experiencing family life in this way is.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you you have to go sit on a row of seats on a cramped public bus for 4 hours in Costa Rica to inject more kinship into your relationship with your kids, although an extreme scenario like this certainly puts pressure on us to choose if we come together or push each other away.

What I am going to share is ways that we enjoy moments of connection in our typical days here as a family in Norfolk. Practical ideas that you can put into practice today and begin reaping the many benefits of raising a family that has an unbreakable bond at it’s very core, a connection that, if maintained, will last long into your children’s adult years.

Start the day with big hugs - and let your child be the first to let go

Every single day, without fail, we each begin our morning with hugs - the first time we see another member of our family we greet them with arms wide open, we sit on laps, we look into each others eyes and we share our love for one another. We ask how their sleep was and we ask about their plans for the new day. A night is a long period of separation (unless you bedshare, in which case you might want to start your morning with some time alone after a long night of connection) and we notice our children really benefit from our full attention, and it fills our own cups up with love too, as adults.

Stop what you are doing, turn and give them your full, undivided presence. This small investment of your attention really sets the day up well.

Go outdoors together without phones & other distractions

Get outdoors together as a family — Get outside together as a family

Being outside presents strong, uninterrupted time for connection as a family, so leave your phone in your pocket on Do Not Disturb mode and focus on being present with your loved ones. Nature has no agenda to draw your attention, it just is, confident in itself so allow it to be an invitation for distraction free adventures.

Let your inner child break through the responsible adult facade and really play together - get your hands dirty, allow your imagination to run wild and laugh out loud. We love create games as a family when we’re adventuring in nature, we’ve recently made games out of wildlife spotting (fun with exotic creatures in Costa Rica but equally enjoyable with UK species - give them funny names and create stories about their lives), designed patterns and drawings with natural materials we find on the ground and climbing trees all together. Obstacles courses can be great fun through the woods too.

Plan adventures together where everyone’s needs are considered and you all contribute an idea to be experienced by everyone

Kids love to feel a sense that they are able to influence and control their own lives and that of their loved ones. Giving up a little of your control as an adult shows them that you respect and value them and helps them to develop independence and autonomy.

As a family we openly discuss our family adventures and take their ideas and requests onboard. On our recent backpacking trip our boys, aged 10 and 8, suggested a tour we hadn’t considered which was a hit with us all. They also asked for visits to the beach, suggested ideas for meals out and requested several mornings of rest to recover from long journeys. When your main agenda for your adventure is to be together as a family and to enjoy exploring new places it doesn’t matter if it’s not instagram-worthy, it matters how everyone feels, that they are listened to, that they know their needs are considered and that fun is had by all. In our experience, dragging kids around somewhere that you want to visit, but they really don’t, doesn’t actually make for an enjoyable experience by any of the family. If the only way to experience something that you desire is to take the kids along with you, look for ways to make it more attractive for them. Adventures with children are typically very different to adventures as adults, there’s far more to consider, but I’ve been surprised by how resilient children are when they know you’ve put great thought into the experience you will all have.

Work as a team on projects around the home together

Family working together as a team building connection

We love working together in the kitchen, on chores and on big projects around the home, garden and glampsite - our boys were heavily involved in the creation of Willow Roundhouse. All pulling in the same direction makes for a strong team that looks out for one another. We include our children in our project decisions and talk about our reasons for caring for our home so they can see the bigger picture, rather than just focusing on Mum and Dad making them do chores. We’ve found that making it fun with music and snacks can keep us all motivated.

You'd be surprised how much even young kids can contribute and how much they love being part of the family team creating something. Try to let them do it their way (even if it means you might have to quietly redo it); if they feel safe to try, then over time they will learn, improve and be genuinely helpful. Let them wash dishes, chop veggies and sweep the floors when they’re little and they’re more likely to be willing to get involved as they get older.

Enjoy family movie night

Enjoy movie and games night as a family — Family movie and games night rituals

We’ve recently made this a weekly ritual in our home and we all love it, when Kate can keep awake for it... We enjoy visiting charity shops to choose cheap DVD’s we’ll all enjoy and then we have a stash to take turns choosing from. The snuggles we all enjoy together during the film are priceless.

Make game night a regular ritual and get the deck of cards or board games out

As a family that lives seasonally, our winter afternoons are often spent all gathered around a jigsaw, piecing the puzzle together - another case of teamwork in action. It’s such a nice ritual to spend time all gathered around a small table with a pack of cards and knowledge of the rules to a couple of good games - it’s all the evening entertainment you need for a family adventure.

We love collecting board games and have some available for guests to play while they stay at Round the Woods. Every year we add new games to our game cupboard but still the old ones that our boys loved when they were much younger often come out for old times sake.

I’ve been weaving aspects of game-schooling into our lives for many years - learning about the world and developing skills through playing board games. There are some great games out there that are fun with the added bonus of having educational value, one of our favourites is Sum Swamp, and we love cooperative games that enhance teambuilding skills.

Sit alongside your child as you both work on projects

This is important in our family as we can all have our own projects we want to spend time on and it’s so easy to take yourself off to different spaces, but when you’re in the same room doing your own thing there are opportunities for connection.

In fact as I write this our youngest son is doing some learning on the laptop alongside me. We have been enjoying breaks together to look out the window and notice what’s happening outside, we’ve been able to discuss what we’re each working on and have hugs when each of us gets up.

Use car journeys for nourishing, connecting conversations where you ask about your child's thoughts, experiences and feelings

This is single-handedly my favourite way to spend car journeys. As our boys get older we’re spending more and more time travelling by car to different activities and I find that on busy days these journeys present great opportunities to enjoy deep conversations.

In our experience children are more likely to open up when they're looking out the window and aren't being stared at waiting for a response. It’s a great time to check in with them, see how they’re feeling and discuss anything that’s on their mind. Profound comments come out of their mouths too - like our eldest recently saying he feels at home in nature and feels sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a strong connection to the natural world. Knowing that no matter where he is, a tree will remind him that he belongs… cue tears welling up in my eyes and a long moment of pride.

Leave spaciousness in your evenings, weekends & holidays for spontaneous connection time

Avoid overscheduling, leaving free time free

When free time is filled up with scheduled activities there’s very little space to respond to spur of the moment desires and meet unexpected needs. We all benefit from down-time, being allowed to get bored and find our creative flow and it’s beautiful when spontaneous ideas can be acted upon right then and there with no planning needed.

As our children get older we’re balancing saying yes to opportunities for them to take part in activities alongside our desire to nurture focused and extended time together as a family. One of our sons has recently joined a football team and I have noticed my own resistance to the idea of weekend matches as I’ve so carefully kept weekends sacred for family time for years. I't’s reminded me to be grateful that this is the only activity that’s scheduled on our weekends and that we still have a lot more space that the typical family does. I know how tempting it can be to try to pack everything into your free time - sports activities, shopping trips, birthday parties, get-togethers with friends etc - here is your permission slip to say no to anything that doesn’t excite you as a family, especially when it eats into your precious family time.

Impromptu ideas for our family include baking together, going on a family cycle, visiting a local river for a splash, taking a stroll in a local woodland, making dens in the living room or playing a game together (you now know how much I love games!).

Share your plans and decisions with them

Something we’ve noticed that can really enhance our family bond is to discuss our plans in advance and ask what our children think. It can often feel so much easier to make plans for the family and expect the kids to go along with it but in the long-term it’s so beneficial to include them in decisions that impact them.

When they have a say they feel respected, the more you ask their thoughts the more likely they are to open up about their experiences of different situations and it feels good when we’re all plenty prepared for changes and activities.

We’ve found there are age appropriate ways to share most things that happen within the family and it gives children a sense of awareness that adults face challenges that require creative solutions and we can all support each other in designing our family’s culture, lifestyle and values.

Read together at bedtime

We’ve read to our boys at bedtime since they were tiny babies and it’s a special time for us when we allow ourselves to be present to the experience. Bedtime can be a tricky time for many children, tiredness sets in which can lead to less than cooperative little ones who refuse to brush their teeth, some have a fear of the dark and others get a burst of hyper energy just when you’d like them to be calm…

Coming together with our children for a story once they’re ready for bed is a shared experience we all enjoy. We started out with picture books and have been reading from different chapter books for years, all getting caught up in the story. We find this connection time at the end of the day helps with the transition to rest and ending the day with full cups.

We hope you’ve found these 11 tips valuable to weave into your family life. We’d love to hear what your favourite ways are that you love connecting as a family? Let us know in the comments.

Our Favourite Ways to Connect as a Family